+Be Kind December+

Kristen Stewart by Tom Munro for Elle Magazine June 2012

I think the problem the anon is talking about is that those people who do experience sexual attraction once or twice have a lot better time 'passing' among allosexual people. I know people who are functionally asexual outside of that one person - but that one person is their spouse and no one sees anything 'wrong' with that, whereas I, who have never felt sexual attraction to /anyone/, am treated as if I am defunct. I am fine including them under the umbrella, but to say that it doesn't(cont- a)



Make a difference in how society treats them or how they’re received by others isn’t true. I’m fine with grey-a and demis and whatnot being involved, but I do think there’s a huge difference in the potential life experiences between ‘true’ asexuals (ie, those who don’t experience sexual attraction ever) and those who identify as demi or grey-a, who have the potential, and can ‘pass’ easier if/when they have a sig other. Take that for what you will. (b).

While I can appreciate this, the primary issue with the previous anon was the fact that they believe those people have no place in the asexual community whatsoever, despite the fact that they do have the shared experience of the lack of sexual attraction, which is exclusionary and invalidating of their identity and their experiences entirely, by denying them a place in this community.

Yes, their experiences are in the sum total possibly different. But that doesn’t mean that they don’t still experience some of the same struggles other asexuals do - because they are other asexuals.

Every person on this planet has unique experiences, and there are some asexuals who never experience much prejudice or judgement, just as there are some who face extreme amounts of abuse and persecution. But we cannot judge a group by the actions and experiences of any one person, which is why we on this blog strive to promote intersectionality and inclusivity. Are there differences in our experiences? Certainly - your experience and my experiences alone are very different. But does that mean we should exclude others just because we perceive them to have an “easier” time in society? I don’t think so.

- Di

I’m going to finally weigh in (I had work all night and then needed sleep) on this whole shebang.

Last month, queenieofaces hosted the Carnival of Aces on the topic of the Unassailable Asexual. For those of you who haven’t heard the term before, the Unassailable Asexual is an ace who meets a list of criteria that makes their sexuality essentially impossible to attack, making them “better” than other aces. After reading all of the many submissions, a couple of things became clear.

  • What constitutes unassailable can vary and sometimes includes the contradictory ideas of “has tried sex to know for sure” and “never ever has sex”
  • It’s completely unrealistic and impossible to achieve
  • It’s used by people within the community to silence and turn way other aces/ace spectrum folk
  • It’s used by allosexuals to disprove our asexuality because we don’t meet their standards of what they think we should be
  • It hurts everyone

So look. I get it. You want this community to be for people like you. But… all ace spectrum people are like you. Why should feeling a bit of sexual attraction (but not nearly as much as allosexuals) make someone not belong? Should libido make someone not belong? Should willingness to have sex with a partner? Should sexual assault in their past? Should mental illnesses or disability? 


Building a community is not about saying who can and cannot be here. Those are the worst kind of clubs. Building a community is about welcoming everyone.


i’m gonna add:

1. “pass” should indeed have scare quotes. have you read up on the “straight passing privilege” attributed to bisexual folks who end up in different-gender straight-*looking* relationships? and how that doesn’t decrease the biphobia they face at all?

2. uh ‘pure asexuals’ can also end up in straight-*looking* relationships and “pass” yet apparently they’re still asexual

3. those one or two instances of sexual attraction may well not end up being a “passing” monogamous significant other life partner relationship, like statistically speaking uh

4. grey-a doesn’t just mean “very few times,” it also means “and/or with low intensity, and/or in constrained circumstances, and/or in a confusing fashion (or otherwise finds asexuality personally relevant/useful)

let me highlight the Confusing part: “wtf, wtf, is this sexual attraction??? yeah?? really??? no?? oh ok uh…wait…was it or wasn’t it or..??” ad infinitum. thaaaat’s not comprehensible to allos

and for low intensity: “hm…apparently sexual attraction? well that’s easy to ignore” and/or “goddangit i’m trying to focus on feeling sexual attraction here and no matter how hard i try, it’s just this fledgling little flicker, arghh”

just, generally: grey modes of experiencing sexual attraction, are not like how allos experience sexual attraction. a helluva lot of the time, it’s like saying “oh! you like roller coasters? i like ferris wheels sometimes!” they’re uh, kind of related, but also really different. and trying to relate/”pass” is often glaringly awkward.


This is Duolingo, a language-learning website/app that deserves some serious recognition. It offers over 10 languages for English speakers, as well as courses for non-English speakers around the world, and they’re in the process of adding more. 

But wait, I don’t want to do any more schoolwork! Not to worry little one, Duolingo is actually more like a game. You can compete with friends, and earn “lingots” (which are basically Duolingo money) to buy power-ups, extra activities, and bonus skills - like Flirting.


I’m already taking a language, what do I need this for? 

It’s not really a secret that most school language courses (in America, anyway) suck and only teach you to speak the language at about a third grader’s level. Which is why Duolingo is so freaking awesome.

Teachers can’t give every student individualized attention, but Duolingo can. If you’re not learning the way you want to or as much as you want to in the classroom, Duolingo is a really great resource. It’s easy, tailored to you, and really effective.


Duolingo tracks your progress and reminds you when you haven’t studied for a while or need a refresher on something. Already semi-fluent in a language? No problem, just take a shortcut to more advanced subjects or test out of the lesson. 

The lessons start with the basics (he, she, hello, thank you, etc) and move up to harder stuff. Duolingo focuses on vocabulary first, so you can learn the language and then the grammar that goes with it - much simpler than the system most schools use. It also tracks the number of words you’ve learned and how well you know them.


And you don’t even have to write out the flashcards!

Duolingo is perfect for reviewing everything you forgot over the summer or giving you the extra help you need. And if you’re trying to learn a language on your own, it’s fantastic - you don’t have to create your own lessons. Whether you’re trying to learn your second, third, or fifth language, I seriously recommend Duolingo.

Okay, what else?

Duolingo also has discussion boards, where you can ask for help with a hard lesson, make new friends, watch for updates, and share your achievements.

Even better is the Immersion feature. It won’t send you to Spain or France, but it’s pretty awesome. Duolingo takes real articles from the internet, which users translate. You can translate articles from your native language into the language you’re learning or vice versa, which gives you more experience and makes the Internet more universal.

You can suggest new languages and track Duolingo’s progress in creating new courses. Bilinguals (older than 13) can help to create these courses. Duolingo has a long list of courses that can be contributed to, like Punjabi, Hebrew, and Vietnamese. Oh, and Dothraki, Klingon, Sindarin, and Esperanto.

And the best part? IT’S COMPLETELY FREE. 

If you love languages or just want to pass French class this year, USE DUOLINGO. Download the app and practice a language while you wait for the bus instead of playing Angry Birds!


Sex positivity means many things, but it does not mean that all sex is positive or enjoyable.


wow The Onion is dropping a lot of truth for a work of satire


I swear a lot of people would be less confused about their sexual orientation if they knew that romantic orientations were also a thing.




Okay, I realize this hilariously late for Asexuality Awareness Week (which was last week), but due to unforeseen stressors, it didn’t really get done in time.

Anyway! I’ve wanted to do something like this for a while, and I’m proud of myself of actually getting a six page comic done within a week. (Not that it’s really anything super fancy, but it’s better than nothing lol) I do apologize for the massive ugly text wall that is page four but I had a hard time figuring out how to convey it visually while being kind of pressed for time. oh and the occasional copy/paste, I’m sorry for that too

Enjoy! Click on the separate pictures if the text is hard to read.